Words of Wisdom:

"Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can." - Danny Kaye

Dear New Zealand...

Dear New Zealand,

Thank you for such a wonderful time! Really. You've given me so many wonderful experiences over the last year... so many good memories that have all added to the richness of my life. And something has been calling me to come here for over 10 years. I'm glad I finally came to enjoy your beautiful islands and great waves. Life is all about turning the things you really want to do into the things you've done right?

You've raised a good kind of people too. There's a camaraderie between Kiwi's that you don't find in the states or anywhere else I've been. Just listening to two strangers talk would make anybody think they go waaaay back. There's an instant rapport.

And they're even nice to asshole foreigners like me. It's like they all know they've got this killer little paradise in the South Pacific and they get to stay but eventually we all have to go back home. They're generally happy with just a sprinkle of dingy which adds to their great character. They're hilarious. They like to help you and bullshit with you and they smile a lot. Maybe it's because there's only 4 million of them, they don't have pollution or 8 lane freeways, they have more coast line than the US and pumping surf all the way around it. You can't get very far from the beach if you tried (And I've always believed the farther away from the ocean, the stranger people get... after all, we all are made of 70% salt water) Or maybe because they don't have 5,000+ Illegal Mexicans jumping their borders EVERYDAY, or any borders at all for that matter, or nukes or people trying to blow up their buildings, or a crazy guy named George mucking everything up for the last 8 years. Anywho... Your Kiwi people are on my good list... and even though the girlies aren't the hottest in the world, they get big bonus points for the extra sexy accent.

As for your waves... some of the best sessions I've ever had. Lots of variety, lot's of swell... but a bit too much wind. You can't have it all I guess. Some of your barrels will stick with me until I die and put a smile on my face every time I think about them. However, I feel you were holding out on me a little on the South Island, what the hell? But you did save the best for last...

My last session in NZ... not a bad farewell eh?

Your scenery and landscape is mindblowing. I got to gaze at some of the most amazing sights I've ever seen. Mountain tops, mountain streams, snow covered volcanos, glaciers, ocean cliffs, rain forests, giant sand dunes, rock arches, alpine lakes, fern palms, oceans merging, sunsets that make you think somebody slipped a lil' LSD in your drink.... all of it jaw dropping. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for the visuals!

First sunset of the decade, Kaikoura, NZ - Jan 1st 2010

My time has come, I'm off to visit your big, fat, rowdy neighbor: AUSTRALIA. I'd like to come back someday but only in the Summer or Autumn.... you can keep your Springs and Winters... and you can also keep your Ozone hole (Burn time approx 8 minutes)... and your satanic Sandflies... and all your Mullets and Rat Tails.

I'll be recommending you to all my friends.

Stay cool. I love you.

Love, Me

To the Land of Oz:

Confirmed Date of Departure: January 12th 2010

A U S T R A L I A: It's a big place...very big! Rumored to have the longest dead-straight road on the planet, the biggest rock, beer guzzling natives, and of course... top-notch surf and beautiful women with sexy-as-hell accents lounging in the hot sand in little else but scraps of nylon and string. And I hear those "Sheila's" aren't shy either, they'll bite your head off and kick you in the beans.... I can't deny it... I like'm mean!

My New Zealand time is winding down. It's almost been a year of Beach Bumming and now it's about time to get down and dirty again, to get into a studio and make stuff, to sniff paint and sawdust, to slam out some big design projects, to be productive, to settle into a spot for a while(with good waves of course), to network, and to grow(my dwindling bank account!)... it's all part of the cycle I guess. Work - play - work - play...

If you know anybody in Oz who:

1) Surfs
2) Paints
3) Is a fit female age 18-36(Hey, you can learn some things from the older ones!)
4) Likes to pamper guests
5) Owns a gallery
6) Needs graphics designed
7) Owns a brewery/bar
8) Has a hot tub
9) Is a Paraglide instructor

...then shoot me an email, I'd appreciate the connection... it's all about who you know right?

Kangaroos and Koala Bears here I come!

NZ: Christmas Hike, Mt Fyffe, Kaikoura

Christmas was great! I didn't see one damn Christmas tree, no twinkling lights, no tacky tinsel, no paper wrapped presents or ribbons or bows, no stockings, no shitty music, no stars, no angels, no bells, no nativity scenes, no Santas, nothing... it was awsome! But I did see this...

NZ: WAVES Nov/Dec 2009

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I've done my fair share of complaining about how miserable the waves have been here on the South Island over the last couple months. But during the last few days, the East coast finally saw some decent conditions and I've been gorging myself as much as possible. And looking back over the pics from November and this month, I realized that we had more than a few fun days... in between the endless hours of driving and getting skunked. Here's a little collection...

NZ: Kayaking Abel Tasman National Park

Weather looking good. Plan: Take Kayaks out for 3 days and hike for 2 more around Abel Tasman National Park on North Western tip of South Island, New Zealand.


Bring sling and dive gear for fishies. Stuff Kayak to brim with delicious food items such as: 5 liters of boxed wine, steak, veggies, several flavors of creamy Brie cheese, salami, fruit, musilie etc... Leave Betsy in parking lot all by herself. Kayak to first nights' camp... small cove with beautiful beach, nobody around, roll around in sand, guzzle wine, eat, enjoy sunshine and tanned naked woman. Sunset brings 2 plump ladies on a kayak who decide to camp as close as possible to us... Grumble, grumble. Curse at the sandflies and their thirst for blood. Forget to pack sleeping pads.... crap. Back hurts just to think about it.


Wake to sun. Make coffee in beloved plunger that doubles as insulated cup (Definitely my most valued purchase of 2009) Low tide, watch Linds pluck Green Lipped Mussels from rocks. Leave camp. Kayak to nearby island. Land on amazing beach. Gear up, spear fish for dinner. Nail 2 mystery fish... go for big tasty looking guy in cave... hit tail, scales fly, disappears in cave... could have fed an army, damn it. Clean fishies. Pack up camp and kayak. Make way up coast, windy around points. Paddle as hard as possible. Find river/estuary to escape from wind. Beautiful glass. Make way towards second camp... see 2 girls in kayak blown far, far out to sea, signaling to boats for help... bummer. Finally make it to camp.


Stuff fishies with lime, onion and spices, wrap in foil... salivate. Curse satanic sandflies. Linds prepares yummy mussels. Sign say: "TOTAL FIRE BAN" I say: "BULLSHIT!" Build fire in cave on beach. Fish in fire, mussels in pot 1, wild rice and veggies in pot 2. Smelling Umm Ummm good. Feast on the fruits of the sea, guzzle wine, drift to sleep. Wake. Coffee. Low, low tide... drag kayak waaaaay too far down to water line. Windy paddle to next camp. Beautiful coastline. High-center onto submerged rock. Can't move. Spinning around on top. Laugh a little.. but not too much. Next camp is awesome. Amazing beach, rocks, caves. Stinky Sealions. Hot sun. Wine. Food. Clouds come... Shit! Rain. Damn it! Everything into tent. Pouring. Praise $40 waterproof tent from Warehouse(Like Walmart... bad, I know). Boil big pot of noodles in middle of tent. Wine kicks in. Tip over pot, spills on Linds' arm... screams, cries... FU*&%K!!!. Throw Linds a towel, watch her wipe arm skin right off... not good!! Crisis management mode in full effect, try to make all better. Eat remains of noodles in pot. Rains all night. Wake. Coffee. Curse bloodthirsty sandflies. Boat picks up Kayak... says weather will be 40 knot winds with rain the next 2 days.... decide not to hike next 2 days. Hop on next boat back to civilization.


Few days pass. Forecast looking clear and sunny for 4 days. Decide to hike in from top of park down coast. Sun shining. Beautiful day. Breathtaking vistas. Aqua blue water. Wind picks up. Find nice beach to camp on. Pick yummy mussels off rocks. Get chased by smelly sealion family. Ominous clouds hovering. WTF? Sprinkles. Rain. Damn it... everything into tent. Eat. Draw picture of cow with a big Mustache... get it? "Mo" instead of "Moo". Laugh a lot. Boil water far from Linds' arm. Fear high tide. Move tent up to grass. Wake to sun. Coffee. Hear most insane bird song ever... beat boxing bird. Hike out. Drive to Mussel Inn and drink beer. The End.

NZ: Kaikoura Trekking

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The waves were shit so Brown and I decided to go run around for 3 days in the mountains behind Mt. Fyffe in Kaikoura. Good times. It was what the Kiwi's call a "Route", which means there are just some trail markers every once in a while to tell you that you're headed in the right direction. Basically you blaze your own trail up the mountain, river, valley etc...

This route took us up a wide river bottom with tons of river crossings and rock hopping up a canyon to one of over 900 of NZ's famed Back Country Huts. Some huts are basic, some are posh. Our first one had 6 bunks, a wood stove and plenty of fresh rain water. Brown brought his trusty iPhone and we laughed our asses off to the new season of South Park... if you haven't seen the episode with the Japanese whale/dolphin killers then you are missing a good laugh. Next day we woke to rain and it was cold... so cold that as we made our way up to the saddle, where rivers started on either side, it was dumping snow. Bad situation. Not prepared. I was in surf trunks with a plastic trash bag over my pack. Almost froze walking up the river, trudging right through it with shoes and all, no trail, just up and up and up into the icy river and slippery rocks. Dumping! Everything white. Snow starting to cover all the trail markers. Damn! I thought about the situations people get themselves into that make it possible for TV's shows like "I Shouldn't Be Alive" to go into production. Would I lose some fingertips or a few toes to frostbite? Would we have to make shelter under some rock and eat squirrels until the storm passes? Would I have to eventually eat Brown or would he have to eat me? Should we go back? Nah.. screw it, let's just keep going higher up this steep river canyon with no trail in the snow. It's only supposed to be 6 hours to the next hut. We're young enough... and dumb enough.

Up to the top of the saddle and back down to the next hut. Made it in record time. Cool to see where 2 rivers literally started. Was happy to see plenty of dry firewood outside on the front porch. Took us a while to thaw out. Got the stove blazing, all our gear and clothes hanging up, hot enough to run around in chones. Hot food and more South Park on the menu for the night. Warm sleeping bag. Nobody around.

Woke to bluebirds. Long hike down river. Sunny, warm. Plenty of waterfalls and snowcapped mountain views... the stuff that's good for the mind, body and the soul. Long walk down to main road. Thumb out for 2 seconds and we get picked up and front door service right back to The Van. Ice cold beer? Yes please, and then let's go find some surf.

NZ: The South Island

As of now, it's been over 2 months since I've gotten any good waves. I'm gonna lose my mind sometime in the very near future if this dry streak continues. It's been cold, rainy, windy and shitty surf all around. Here's my advice to anybody planning a surf trip in New Zealand in the Spring: DON'T.

After picking up Mr. Brown in Auckland, we headed South in search of barrels.... we drove WAY too many kilometers, took the ferry across the Cook Straight to the South Island, then we picked Matlock and drove WAY too many more kilometers in search of big, good surf. But it was good to hang with the boys, camping, surfing, laughing, hiking, drinking, and cooking some mean dinners...

Brown enjoying Double Brown Beer

Some fun ones

Beach camp bonfire

Wildlife

Paua or Abalone as we know it in the states, it's everywhere here

A Glacier