NZ: WAVES Nov/Dec 2009

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I've done my fair share of complaining about how miserable the waves have been here on the South Island over the last couple months. But during the last few days, the East coast finally saw some decent conditions and I've been gorging myself as much as possible. And looking back over the pics from November and this month, I realized that we had more than a few fun days... in between the endless hours of driving and getting skunked. Here's a little collection...

NZ: Kayaking Abel Tasman National Park

Weather looking good. Plan: Take Kayaks out for 3 days and hike for 2 more around Abel Tasman National Park on North Western tip of South Island, New Zealand.


Bring sling and dive gear for fishies. Stuff Kayak to brim with delicious food items such as: 5 liters of boxed wine, steak, veggies, several flavors of creamy Brie cheese, salami, fruit, musilie etc... Leave Betsy in parking lot all by herself. Kayak to first nights' camp... small cove with beautiful beach, nobody around, roll around in sand, guzzle wine, eat, enjoy sunshine and tanned naked woman. Sunset brings 2 plump ladies on a kayak who decide to camp as close as possible to us... Grumble, grumble. Curse at the sandflies and their thirst for blood. Forget to pack sleeping pads.... crap. Back hurts just to think about it.


Wake to sun. Make coffee in beloved plunger that doubles as insulated cup (Definitely my most valued purchase of 2009) Low tide, watch Linds pluck Green Lipped Mussels from rocks. Leave camp. Kayak to nearby island. Land on amazing beach. Gear up, spear fish for dinner. Nail 2 mystery fish... go for big tasty looking guy in cave... hit tail, scales fly, disappears in cave... could have fed an army, damn it. Clean fishies. Pack up camp and kayak. Make way up coast, windy around points. Paddle as hard as possible. Find river/estuary to escape from wind. Beautiful glass. Make way towards second camp... see 2 girls in kayak blown far, far out to sea, signaling to boats for help... bummer. Finally make it to camp.


Stuff fishies with lime, onion and spices, wrap in foil... salivate. Curse satanic sandflies. Linds prepares yummy mussels. Sign say: "TOTAL FIRE BAN" I say: "BULLSHIT!" Build fire in cave on beach. Fish in fire, mussels in pot 1, wild rice and veggies in pot 2. Smelling Umm Ummm good. Feast on the fruits of the sea, guzzle wine, drift to sleep. Wake. Coffee. Low, low tide... drag kayak waaaaay too far down to water line. Windy paddle to next camp. Beautiful coastline. High-center onto submerged rock. Can't move. Spinning around on top. Laugh a little.. but not too much. Next camp is awesome. Amazing beach, rocks, caves. Stinky Sealions. Hot sun. Wine. Food. Clouds come... Shit! Rain. Damn it! Everything into tent. Pouring. Praise $40 waterproof tent from Warehouse(Like Walmart... bad, I know). Boil big pot of noodles in middle of tent. Wine kicks in. Tip over pot, spills on Linds' arm... screams, cries... FU*&%K!!!. Throw Linds a towel, watch her wipe arm skin right off... not good!! Crisis management mode in full effect, try to make all better. Eat remains of noodles in pot. Rains all night. Wake. Coffee. Curse bloodthirsty sandflies. Boat picks up Kayak... says weather will be 40 knot winds with rain the next 2 days.... decide not to hike next 2 days. Hop on next boat back to civilization.


Few days pass. Forecast looking clear and sunny for 4 days. Decide to hike in from top of park down coast. Sun shining. Beautiful day. Breathtaking vistas. Aqua blue water. Wind picks up. Find nice beach to camp on. Pick yummy mussels off rocks. Get chased by smelly sealion family. Ominous clouds hovering. WTF? Sprinkles. Rain. Damn it... everything into tent. Eat. Draw picture of cow with a big Mustache... get it? "Mo" instead of "Moo". Laugh a lot. Boil water far from Linds' arm. Fear high tide. Move tent up to grass. Wake to sun. Coffee. Hear most insane bird song ever... beat boxing bird. Hike out. Drive to Mussel Inn and drink beer. The End.

NZ: Kaikoura Trekking

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The waves were shit so Brown and I decided to go run around for 3 days in the mountains behind Mt. Fyffe in Kaikoura. Good times. It was what the Kiwi's call a "Route", which means there are just some trail markers every once in a while to tell you that you're headed in the right direction. Basically you blaze your own trail up the mountain, river, valley etc...

This route took us up a wide river bottom with tons of river crossings and rock hopping up a canyon to one of over 900 of NZ's famed Back Country Huts. Some huts are basic, some are posh. Our first one had 6 bunks, a wood stove and plenty of fresh rain water. Brown brought his trusty iPhone and we laughed our asses off to the new season of South Park... if you haven't seen the episode with the Japanese whale/dolphin killers then you are missing a good laugh. Next day we woke to rain and it was cold... so cold that as we made our way up to the saddle, where rivers started on either side, it was dumping snow. Bad situation. Not prepared. I was in surf trunks with a plastic trash bag over my pack. Almost froze walking up the river, trudging right through it with shoes and all, no trail, just up and up and up into the icy river and slippery rocks. Dumping! Everything white. Snow starting to cover all the trail markers. Damn! I thought about the situations people get themselves into that make it possible for TV's shows like "I Shouldn't Be Alive" to go into production. Would I lose some fingertips or a few toes to frostbite? Would we have to make shelter under some rock and eat squirrels until the storm passes? Would I have to eventually eat Brown or would he have to eat me? Should we go back? Nah.. screw it, let's just keep going higher up this steep river canyon with no trail in the snow. It's only supposed to be 6 hours to the next hut. We're young enough... and dumb enough.

Up to the top of the saddle and back down to the next hut. Made it in record time. Cool to see where 2 rivers literally started. Was happy to see plenty of dry firewood outside on the front porch. Took us a while to thaw out. Got the stove blazing, all our gear and clothes hanging up, hot enough to run around in chones. Hot food and more South Park on the menu for the night. Warm sleeping bag. Nobody around.

Woke to bluebirds. Long hike down river. Sunny, warm. Plenty of waterfalls and snowcapped mountain views... the stuff that's good for the mind, body and the soul. Long walk down to main road. Thumb out for 2 seconds and we get picked up and front door service right back to The Van. Ice cold beer? Yes please, and then let's go find some surf.