Dear Australia...

Dear Australia, 

I've never met someone who has spent time with you and doesn't love you.  You're big, you're warm and you only have 20 million people or so... and they have funny accents that make me laugh.  And kangaroos hop around everywhere.  Still never managed to get the one picture I wanted... me boxing one with big red gloves on.  Maybe next time.... if your peeps will let me back in, I seemed to have overstayed my welcome by a bit. Doooh!

12 Apostles, South Coast

I've still got a lot of exploring to do with you but managed to make it to your West and South coasts this time around.  I made a conscious effort NOT get myself stuck in Byron Bay this time and got to see some other shweeeet places.  After leaving the crew in Sydney and watching NYE fireworks on the harbor, I hung with the Newports in Melbourne.  Great city.  Fun and lots going on but a bit far from the waves.  And the weather needs to make up it's mind.

West Oz

Then I decided to head out to the wild wet to meet up with my long lost Kiwi friend Nic in Margaret River, hadn't seen her in over 10 years... crazy.  The West is pretty laid back, has beautiful beaches and the waves fucking pump!  I'm surprised more people don't live there. Plus it's a real short hop to Indo.  I had a blast.  Can't wait to get back there.

Echidna

Your people remind me of the Kiwi's.  They seem really united and they have pride in that.  For example, during your big floods in Queensland, when downtown Brisbane was under water, there was nobody stealing anything.  It was weird.  Look at New Orleans during the same situation.  Looting left and right.  Fights.  Stupid gang shit.  Rapes in the shelters.  Disgusting and shameful stuff.  I cant even imagine what would happen if LA flooded... it would be full on anarchy.

Watching your politicians on the news was a breath of fresh air.  They actually sound like they have brains, they don't skirt questions, they're accessible.  You almost want to believe what they say... it's great! 

I love: Meat Pies, Eating your Kangaroos, the fact that the West coast blows offshore most of the year, listening to Aussie girls talk. Bare-Boobied beaches.

I don't love: All the fucking shark attacks, deadly spiders, deadly snakes and the most persistant annoying flies on the planet. The outrageous price of alcohol.

Until we meet again... mate!

Cheers, 

Me

 

Margs

Curl Curl

Margs Pumping!

 

Curiosity of Cyclone Bianca

 

Ready to hunt fishies

Dinner

Nic... about to make me late for my bus!

Not a bad place to climb around.  James with his life in my hands.

Swedish Meatball Eyeball

Swedes+Beer+Plastic cow=This

The one that make have killed Mr. Irwin... not sure.

Gnarabup Sunset

Scoring on a short stop in Fiji

After getting deported from Oz and the bullshit mission getting back to Fiji... once I stepped off the plane, felt the hot humid air, had a whiff of that sweet island smell, and heard the dudes jamming island tunes in the immigration line, everything was good again.  Not sure I could have asked for a better last few days of this 4 month journey.

 

Stayed up waaay too late drinking Fiji Gold and playing pool with Che and crew that night, woke up the next morning, had a giant breaky at Cardos and hopped on a few skis out to score head high Restaurants and then over to pumping overhead rights at Swimming Pools with a handful of guys out.   Guys were saying they haven't seen it that good.  Fiji is magical.  Kicking myself for not having my camera this day.... damnit.  Wore the wrong shirt in the water and my nipples got rubbed raw. Scabby nipple tips are not fun.

The Comp

Wilkes going nuts across the channel

 

Hit it hard in Nadi Town that night and hopped on the boat early to head out to a local comp at Namotu Lefts.  Thanks to Uri and Adrenaline crew for one hell of a day!  It was the best I had seen it. Some good ones coming in but still turned a bit fat after the drop. I filled in for Che in the comp (His eyeballs were absolutely fried from the previous day, everybody's were...  had to be something in the water) and ended up making the Semi Finals. We decided to bail on it and head over to Restaurants to get a few... best call ever.  Restaurants was head high and perfect.  Such an amazing wave.  Long, fast, hollow. It keeps growing bigger as it rolls down the reef. What more do you want in a wave?  Maybe a reverse version of it.  Yeah, that would pretty much be all... Restaurants as a Right. Heaven.  Ended my last session in Fiji with a nice little one, a few good whacks off the top and tucked into a cozy little tube that just barely let me out.  Cold beers back on the boat.  Life can be a dream.

Back at Cardos for beers and a big feed and that's where we met Dr. Bones.  This old hippie guy pops out of nowhere and next thing we know he's sitting with us slamming beers like they're water and talking about the 13 crystal skulls of the Mayans, portals on mystic mountain tops, energy crystals, Indian priests, and the end of the world in 2012, and also something that's gonna go down this March 20th... "You thought the quake in Christchurch was bad...".  He's been living in Puerto Escondido for 15 years eating peyote or something and healing injured surfers.  Now he's starting a (witch?) doctor clinic on an island in Fiji. The guy is a trip. The weird part about Dr. Bones showing up was he just happened to have a box of some crazy Chinese eye medicine that he dropped in our sunburned eyes.  Stuff worked.  We were all sitting there screaming with tears rolling down our face... it stung like hell but worked.  Trippy... man.

Dr. Bones doing some painful voodoo on Che

That was it.  Easy flight home.  Now I'm sitting here at home in Uggs, fuzzy pants and jacket and a beanie on one of the coldest days of the year... sunburned, jet lagged and completely stoked!!

 

Special thanks to Che, Cardo, Teh, Chloe and the Adrenaline crew for taking real good care of me! I'm in debt to you.

The Bowels of Travel

Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose... and get deported.

Most times things go as planned. Smooth, short layovers. Planes and busses are on time. A new security line opens up and you get to bypass 40 people fumbling to get the change out of their pockets. Plenty of time for an over priced beer as you gaze out the window and see your boards being delicately loaded on the plane. Sexy girl with great convo sitting next to you. Traveling is awesome!

But sometimes the evil travel monster bites off your wang, chews it up and spews it all over the rest of your day... or two... or three... or in my case 3 years.

Here's the last 48 hours...

Leave Nic and Jim's place in Margaret River. On way to bus stop, Nic and I decide to go for one last quick beer. Little Creatures Ale Yum! Bus ticket says 4:50pm departure. One quick beer turns into two quick beers. Get to bus stop at 4:48pm. No bus. Call bus Co... Bus left at 4:30pm. WTF?? But my ticket says...???
Have to drive to Bussleton bus stop to try and catch bus. Turn 40 minute drive into 25 minute drive. Interception!
4 hr bus ride to Perth airport. 3 hours early for redeye at midnight:30. Check in, find out flight has magically changed to 11pm. Good thing I was early. WTF??? Kill time with beer. Watch news of Christchurch getting rocked and worry about friends. Sad. Plane on time. One-two winks of sleep on plane. Wonder why they dont just make the seats fixed in the laid back position, which is about a 1 inch difference from the upright position. Idiots. Somebody close to me, maybe even right next to me, is farting the whole way and for once its not me. Gross. Babies... Crying. Arrive in Melbourne at 5am. Drag boards to international terminal. Go through customs and immigration... All clear. Life is good... I'll be in Fiji by 3pm drinking an ice-cold Fiji Gold under a palm tree on the beach... Bitch! Haha not so fast son. Where's da plane, da plane? Missing. 8:40am flight turns into 11am turns into 12:30 turns into 3pm turns into 6pm turns into 8pm flight. Each delay everybody gets free meal and drink vouchers... Including alcohol. Not bad. Smash beers. Wander the airport. Flirt with cute girls with dumb looking boyfriends. Jam guitar. Sleep on floor. "Can I have your attention... We need 13 volunteers to give up their seats... Full ticket refund... We'll get you on a flight tonight to Fiji but have to fly you out of Brisbane." Lucky number 13. Fuck. OK. Count me in. Just get me the hell out of this airport. 12 hours in terminal=Feverish. The 13 reFijis are escorted out of international terminal to domestic terminal. Go through customs and immigration again.... Same airport. Lots of arguing between airline guys and customs guys. Cutting it close to get on flight to Brisbane. Everybody gets passports back but me. Shit. They're all waiting on me. And my boards are not in the reFiji luggage pile. WTF?? Immigration head lady pulls me aside and let's me have it. I'm an illegal alien and have been for about 60 days. WTF?? Plane is gonna leave without us. Get banned from entering Australia for 3 years. I will be Escorted to the international terminal when I land in Brisbane and kicked the fuck out :( Ooopsy daisy. Should've looked into my visa situation from last year. My boards show up. Scramble to check-in all 13 reFijis and blaze thru security. I'm the last person on the plane. They've been waiting. Scowls from everybody as I pass. Think I heard one hiss. Meal/drink vouchers get me a few more beers on plane. Unreal sunset out window. Get a wink. Brisbane landing. Get shuffled out to private shuttle to international terminal. Immigration officer and airline rep in tow. $50 bucks for boards. Not bad. Lots of meal/beer vouchers. Two nights, two redeyes... It must be Christmas. I stink. I'm tired. I'm buzzed. Wave goodbye to Customs as I go through, immigration sits me down for another spanking. Supposedly I can appeal the 3 year ban and try to apply for another visa. Sweet. Pad Thai, more beers, fun chat with cute English birds, tight polkadot tights driving me crazy on one of'em. Plane delayed an hour. Haha! Going delirious. Board plane... Oh god here we go, sexy Asian Canadian sitting next to me... I just want to sleep. She just wants to drink and talk. Smash more beers... Have a good laugh. Pass out while she's still talking. Land in Fiji! Find out flight home has been magically moved up 1 day. WTF?? All good. Big Fishermans Breakfast at Cardos on the harbor. Wash off stank. Sleep like baby. Surf pumping Restaurants and Swimming Pools tomorrow. All worth it.