The Crossing from Hell: Sailing from Tonga to New Zealand
(Please sing out loud to the tune of Gilligan's Island... just do it)
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a hairy Frenchy woman,
The skipper smelly for sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a 384 hour tour, a 384 hour tour.
The weather started getting rough,(54 knots in the face!)
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the showerless crew
The Star Dust would be lost, the Star Dust would be lost.
The ship was towed ashore of this fully charted Kiwi isle
With AaaAAbelllll,
The Skipper too,
The grubby kiiiiiids and the wife,
No movie star
No professor or Mary Ann(Damn it!),
Here on The Crossing From Hell...
So this is the tale of the insanity,
They're at sea for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.
The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others UNcomfortable,
In this patience test,
No fuel, no fridge no motor coolant,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primitive as can be.
So be cautious of the French my friends,
And you're sure to live in style,
From Tonga back to Kiwi land in 20 insane days,
Here on the Crossing from Helllllll..."
Where do I begin? I guess first of all, it's damn good to be back on solid ground and it's damn good to be alive! After leaving the Vava'u Group on "Nola", we spent a few days in the Hapai islands, got barrels at one of the shallowest and sketchiest spot I've ever surfed, and ended up having to sail down to the main island of Tongatapu to pick up supplies, and so there I decided to deboard "Nola" in the rancid Tongatapu Harbor with a sniffle and a tear in my eye and watch Sam and Panapa sail back up to Hapai for the Sustainable Coastlines Beach Clean-up. I had to get back to NZ in time to pick up Brown. My new home on the sea was aboard the... Graine D'Etoile (French for: Star Dust) I was looking at 7-10 days max at sea and I'd be back in Kiwi land but little did I know, it would be another 20 days before I would step off onto New Zealand Soil and finally be able to retrieve my sanity...
Mission: Crew on a sailboat from Tonga back to New Zealand
Distance from Port Tongatapu to Port Opua: Over 1100 Nautical Miles
Common Time Frame: 7-10 days sailing
Vessel: Graine D'Etoile, 42' Sloop. French style, no keel and just a few movable centerboards.
Crew: Captain-Michel, 1st Mate-Anne, 2 Kids-Gaya(6) & Lilou(10)...French...and myself
Personal Blue Water Sailing Experience: None
I decided to keep a journal of the voyage...
Oct 12th: Left "Nola"... sad times... She was loaded with propane and fuel on deck, looked liked floating bomb. On "Star Dust" now with nice French Fam.... Waiting on weather and port authorities to head back to NZ. 7-10 day sail. Should be fun! ...eat burger and fries thinking it's my last for a while... boat is a mess, find out that auto pilot is broken, shit. might leave tomorrow AM.
Oct 13th: Eaten alive by Mosquitoes in my cabin last night... Not leaving today either. Steel cable on mast broke, must replace... raining... eat another burger thinking it's my last for a while... scrape algae off water line of hull... leak in my cabin, mattress soaked... wake up in middle of night to captain sawing plastic bottles to put on ropes to stop rats from coming on board. Might leave tomorrow if mast fixed. Auto pilot fixed!
Oct 14th: Not leaving today. Visa is now out of date by a few days, should have been gone by now. Spend 3 hours in immigration line for extension... refuse to give my passport back, captain must come and get it next day... dock for fuel and water... waiting on customs and port authority... Eat another burger thinking its my last for a while... weather window is now, looking good to leave tomorrow.
Oct 15th: Eat burger... it is my last!!! Finally left port today! Anchor at offshore island... get dive gear on and scrape rest of barnacles off hull... might gain an extra knot of speed now!
Set sail through reefs and out to open ocean! Finally! 15 knots on the beam from the East, beautiful day... good bye Tonga! Auto pilot broken after all.. have to steer for over 1000 miles with rear oar rudder... fun.
Oct 16th: Sailed all day and night... my watches are 3am-6am, 2pm-6pm and 8pm-9pm...switch off cooking and dishes... Love sailing!
Shit nowhere near the fan... yetOct 17th: Haven't spewed yet... amazing, feeling good... sunset and stars on morning watch were insane! eat lots of crackers and cheese... practice knots... headed for Minerva Reefs for a few days to wait out bad winds... have to stop boat and bob around, wait for light to find reef pass.
Oct 18th: Is today Sunday? Who knows... clouds rolled in on night watch.. sprinkles... could see other boat lights inside of reef... anchor in giant circular atoll with one reef pass... beautiful water... glassy lagoon in side... looks like we're here until the 22nd... shit. 3 other boats waiting too.
Sheet glass in the middle of the Pacific, Minerva Reef
Oven ready along with his 3 brothersOct 21st, Wednesday: Cold night watch... what the hell? have to wear pants, socks and beanie for first time in 4 months. rough seas. hugged boardbag all night... wind too South... everybody feeling queasy... pasta and soup... 700 miles to go... would kill for: icecream, bowl of musilie, steak, coffee, real milk, beer... been on a boat for over a month total now... missing the Nola lifestyle.
Inspirational socks courtesy of the DDC
Sunset on the high seasOct 24th, Saturday: Shooting stars are insane again... ominous clouds... rain gear on... but no rain.. just want to sleep to make time go by faster... awesome sunrise... raining... sails up again.. over it... kitchen is repulsive... laxatives not working... I'm seriously clogged...lame... beard is getting out of control...cold and rainy... sails up... wind died... pull out Richer Drifter sail for light winds... doesnt work. Going nowhere.
Oct 25th, Sunday: good sunrise... motoring, sheet glass, like oil...check fuel level, almost out...WHAT THE FUCK! why the hell didn't they top up the tanks??? Bob all day like cork.. spinning in circles... distance: 2 miles... bad storm coming our way...10 more hours of solid motoring and we would miss it... just 25 liters would do it... Have flashback of Captain putting empty 25 liter gas can in boat at harbor and me saying: "Don't you want to fill that up?" Captain: "Ah nah, we won't need it!" I say, "Famous last words!" It's like driving across the states and not filling up your car when you go to the gas station... fucking ridiculous... my 10 day no alcohol and no caffiene cleanse goes out the window... find dregs of Panamanian rum... have rum and coke in sun... no more alcohol on boat... man-o-wars and crazy jellies EVERYWHERE.. no swimming... see some birds. Waiting for wind. Toothpaste almost gone.
Oct 26th, Monday: Froze my pecker off on night watch. Wind all day today... make good progress...bearing 180º - 200º. Caught a tuna today... fresh sushi at sunset, yum! Weather suppossed to get nasty... been on this boat 2 weeks today. Should have been in NZ days ago.
Sushi DinnerOct 28th, Wednesday: I finally spewed... Anne's been spewing all night... haven't slept in way too long, getting tossed around cabin all night and day... bathroom repulsive... everybody smells... no appetite... Wheatabix and cornflakes... why are we still going east, need to go west... fixing main sail again...leak in room... get me off this damn ship!
Feeling great!Oct 30th, Friday: Shitty night.. rough seas.. no sleep... rear floor board has leak.. bail bucket every hour.. moving in good direction again... wind stops dead... pass another boat by few hundred yards, didn't see it.. could have been bad... captain decides we need to try to motor and we might have more fuel than thought... a full day and night motor and we could be in Manganui, NZ to find fuel to get to Opua for Port of Entry...we all stink and so does the boat... no shower since Minerva Reef... living in same cloths... motoring in straight line to NZ though!!! 48 miles to go! Beautiful Albatross drowned on hook while trolling today... bummer... another rip in the main sail are you fucking kidding me??? now? Lot's of cursing... strong wind in face again.. can't motor more than 2 knots... see other boat lights... frozen... hopefully get to wake up and see land! So close...
Oct 31st, Halloween: Wake up in middle of night to pissed off arguing French couple, tools clanking, lots of running around, no more sound of engine... just cover head with pillow and try to go to my happy place... I don't even want to know what's wrong this time... soo close...
LAND HO!!! Wake up at dawn to see the beautiful sunny NE coast of NZ today!!! What an amazing feeling that was! hadn't seen land for over 2 weeks... could smell it in the air...I can't wait to be in charge of what happens in my day again, where I go, what I do, what I eat... light winds taking us NE to Doubtless Bay... just take my anywhere.. fuck quarantine, fuck port of entry, fuck customs... thinking of just paddling my surfboard to shore and running for the hills... then wind stops ...OH MY GOD!!! Come ooooooon!!!.. tacking in circles... can hear radio chatter.. see boats, just 10 miles from the bay... captain is still working on engine... Saltwater cooling system broke that night, big leak, engine overheated.. FUCK... captain relays our situation on radio... he refuses an offer for a tow into port... thinks he can fix engine... no wind, ripped sails, no engine... and you don't want a tow???... entertain thoughts of Mutany... maybe just a quick push over the side, nah he'd just swim back, we're not moving... knife to the gut? Frying pan to the dome? Bound and gagged and thrown into the slothpit that is the bathroom then radio for help? yes, yes that's it... get a grip man... remain calm... deep breaths.. 1.... 2... 3... exhale... repeat... try to talk some sense into the situation... the wife is on my side... wait what's that on the horizon? A ship coming our way... get binocs.. read: CUSTOMS on side... WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOO... "Hello, we heard you on the radio and were in the area, do you need a FREE tow into Manganui? We'll have quarantine and immigration drive up from Opua to clear you guys at the port so you can enter NZ here" (Classic Kiwi hospitality) Captain: "Hmmm... thank you for the offer, but can you give me 10 minutes, I think I can fix the engine." MOTHER F$#@%&$##$$$K%%$#@R!!!!!!!!!!???????? ... deep red veil fades across my vision... try talk some sense... he decides to get the tow... red veil lifted! Life suddenly OK again... Arrive in port, use head while waiting to get cleared by customs, sunglasses fall in toilet, awesome! grab boards and backpack, walk 2 km to main road, make big sign on cardboard: "KUMEU OR AUCKLAND PRETTY PLEASE"... talk Maori art with cool Maori dude down to Keri Keri, stuff my face with fresh fruit at fruit stand, thumb out again... hop in tiny rental car with 71 year old dude with a lead foot and a motor mouth... "I failed the eye sight test ya know! Shouldn't really be driving... I live in the phillipines now, retired... pub crawls every damn day... young cute girls sucking your dick for 3 bucks at the clubs... I get a new girl to hang around the house every few months... it's great...they're not prude over there either... A few years ago on my birthday I walked into a club and I told a girl I'm 69 today and that's what I wanted to do to her... my daughter doesn't talk to me anymore... all my friends are dropping like flys... " white knuckles for 3 hours straight... so this is how it's going to end for me eh? After all I just went through? I'm going to be scraped off the pavement at some hair-pin turn... no way... not now... almost rear end every car in front of us... "here's good, thanks man" ... 11pm...soooo close... make a call... Rebeka to the rescue...dressed as a good witch...WTF? Halloween right... get back to The Farm ...peel off clothes... sterilize myself in first hot shower in 4 months... eat king size bowl of Musilie, bananas, strawberries, yogurt and fresh milk... drift to sleep in bed that doesn't move... and there's a nice tree outside the window.
Mission: Complete
Total Duration on Star Dust: 20 Days
Shooting Stars Observed: Had to be well intot he hundreds
Fish Caught: 5 (+1 Albatross)
Weight Lost: At least 10 pounds, I'm a skinny little bitch
Lessons: Learned
All in all, it could have been a lot worse, my life was never in any real danger, we didn't hit anything or catch fire and now that it's over, it's like it never happened. And the French family wasn't all that bad, they were really nice and we had some good banter about how much of a fuck up Bush was, life and the stars. Michel and Anne, if you read this, please don't take it personally, it's all in good fun. OK...On to the next adventure... South Island New Zealand barrels here I come...
Just had to throw in this Tongan beauty for good measure
Catagories:
Everything Else,
New Zealand,
Tonga
